« Assignment Contexts | Main | To Be Read Aloud To The Class »
February 21, 2005
by Abby F. (period 3)
Storm
My soul evaporated within my flesh
And it is creating a storm inside my mind
I can feel the clouds collecting
It makes it hard to see through my hazy eyes
The storm is raging but won’t be released
It will drag on inside me
It will bring me down
Pouring rain on the insides of my eyes
Can you see the clouds swirling on my iris?
He provoked the rage that begat the storm
And struck the match that burnt my soul
And I am not
I will forever be in debt to the mask
Disguising rainy days inside my head
You look in and see purity
I look out and feel hell
But the storm shall not be released
It seethes inside as you watch my fingers tremble
I hold it in
He shall not see the raindrops fall
For they are mine
And mine alone
for the assignment To Be Read Aloud To Class
Posted to composition class in student writing and works at 11:38 PM
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Comments
While the idea of a stormy mind or outlook is not a new one, this poem goes beyond the typical cliched treatment. Here, the extended metaphor is given some nice nuances and more fully developed. The reader is helped to feel the welling up of emotion by comparison to the building a storm. The placement of line and stanza breaks is effective throughout, and there is nice variation of line length for effect. One of the stronger lines in the poem, for me, is "the clouds swirling on my iris?" The "match that burnt my soul" doesn't completely fit the storm metaphor, as you don't usually think of a match starting a storm, but the use of the different image does heighten the conflict between the narrator and the person she speaks of.
Posted by: dwillia at February 22, 2005 07:14 AM
I think Abbys poem should be published in a book of poems. This poem definatly has potential to be publicly published. It is werid I haven't talked to abbys for a long time, too long, before we had the opportunity to sit next to each other in Comp. class. I am so glad we did so. I forgot how great of a person she is and she is so strong souled and knows that she wants out of life. She is so talented in writing and I love having deep conversations with her about things. I know that she will do great things not only in writing but in whatever she choses to do.
Posted by: TJ Degenhardt at February 24, 2005 09:23 AM